is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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