note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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