Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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