Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
