i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
