Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
