When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
