He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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