it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
