So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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