I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
