K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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