it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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