I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize