i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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