Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
