evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize