i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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