He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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