is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
