Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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