i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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