This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So here I am, sexting at work.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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