I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
