taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
