Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize