I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
