i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
