I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
should my penis look like a turkey
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
