My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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