The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
