She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
