So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
