So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
