If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
