I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
