you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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