is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
