My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i believe in u and ur pee
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
