Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
