I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
