So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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