o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
