So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
