and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
