Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
