Having a random hookup so left but love u
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
