I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
