Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
