I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
