Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
