Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
