I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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