I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
