I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
