I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
whose parrot is this?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
