used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I deserve this hangover.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
