hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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