I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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