I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
