bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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