When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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