i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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