I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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