That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
