I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
