my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize