Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
