Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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