Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
