Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
