He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
