How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
now i know why i became what i already was.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
