im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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