Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
