Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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