peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
