My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
