the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
