theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
