overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
