I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize