you told grandpa to call you daddy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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